What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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