the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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