At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
