I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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