took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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