i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
