Already got asked if we're dating
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
