i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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