It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
birth control should be required to get into college
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
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