and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
