apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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