Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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