I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
