woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize