Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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