I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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