I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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