watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
