How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
