My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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