ya dads aren't the best wingmen
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
