Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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