haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
