I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
