dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
