I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
