if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
