all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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