Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize