problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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