I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
