Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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