were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
