lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
