My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
