She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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