You're my little dorito
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
