The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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