Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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