I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
