Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize