But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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