This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Naked Twister starts at high noon
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
