Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
