I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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