yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
