Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
