yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
