Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
