so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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