When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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