do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
