some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
