He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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