If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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