do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
