Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
