Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
