My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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