Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
