Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
