I think my fart just growled at me.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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