very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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