A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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