I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
