Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
