my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
