When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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