They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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