So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
