rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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