I hate your face
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I have already put on my inside pants.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
